Senator Kennedy... I actually have something to add....

Ok so there has been alot of talk and coverage of Sen. Edward Kennedy's passing. I didn't really give it much thought except, what a loss for this nation that we lost a great politician (personal transgressions aside - I remember the trial of his nephew as I followed it with great interest for personal reasons).

But this morning as I was walking into work I remembered something really crazy that happened to me when I was working at this law firm in regards to Senator Kennedy.

Normal working day. Sitting at my desk, answering phones, doing calendaring stuff, doing my j.o.b.. The phone rings.

Of course I answer it, it's my lead's incoming line and I answer professionally and I hear on the other line: Good afternoon this is Ted I am calling for (my attorney's name). Um ok... So professionally I say, (My Attorney) is out of the office can I take a message? So "Ted" continues, and here is where I am paraphrasing....tell him Senator Kennedy called and would like to personally invite him to this event taking place in Denver and I would like him as my guest. Oh by the way ... would you like to join us at our table?

I totally freaked out.... calmly I said that I would pass the message on, got a phone number and then became the most giantest of giant policitcal nerds ever. I said... I never expected to ever hear your voice on the other end of the phone and this is a real honor sir, I met your families Aunt Eunice Shriver at blah blah blah.... for a fundraiser for blah blah blah and that was a highlight sir, but this is really is very exciting for me to talk to you on the phone Senator. I think I said Senator 10 times in one long run on sentence.

He was so nice. He confirmed asking me to attend this politico thing and told me he would like me to join the table...again. I actually look at my calendar and I can't go. Damnit. I tell him I am sorry I can't attend and so very much appreciate his invitation, Senator. He says if I ever make it to DC to call his office and arrange for a lunch.

Who am I? Just some dumb ass political geek Legal Secretary answering the phone and he is a mensch and says he invites me to his office? Certainly he has better things to say certainly... but he is saying this... to me.

It was really cool.

I hung up the phone and freaked out and this morning remembered this is what our nation mourns. Someone that actually gave a shit. Someone that radically worked for change back when it was actually more than just a buzz phrase.

I hope that he has found peace by his passing and his family finds peace too at this time of mourning.

so ... first things first...

Freak Train... finally went (after years and years of wanting to and never going) and am so glad that I did I am glad that I have friends that would.  The cold and frigid weather might have kept some people away but since I committed myself internally to going, first of the year, first show of the year, first time for everything... had to. 

We went to Patsy's across the street for dinner, before hand which was really nice.  Except I nearly collapsed because I was overcome with nausea for some reason, I think I was just jammed too close to the wall for comfort and felt really boxed in, but felt immediately better when I stood up and got out of the booth, so I am sure that is what the is.  It was no one's fault but my own for getting in first and but wow, I thought I was going to pass out.  But I got to see the stick figure gondola magic and that was totally worth it. 

The nights line up included an interpretive dance with sausage, a belly dance, some jokes, some magic, some songs, a bed time story about a duck, the time warp,  some poetry and good friends.  F gave me his door prize ticket and we won tickets to a show on Saturday night... we are winners!  And for the record, I don't think I will be able to look at the juice in canned corn the same for a while... thank you F. 

On the drive home I got a little turned around in the neighborhood and ended up sorta but not really driving around aimlessly for about 15 minutes. I knew where I needed to go, but it was so quiet and absolutely gorgeous out (albiet a little cold).  It was starting to snow a little bit and actually was really peaceful.  Ended up taking some pictures at a Catholic Church that was so amazing I nearly passed out again (well not really but I when I drove by my breath was taken away for a minute and I had to stop right there in the middle of the street and take pictures) You can see them on flickr later tonite or tomorrow.  Probably tomorrow.

Barely got out of bed this morning, it was way too comfy cozy to get up but I had to, I had some I.T. worker bee coming over to work on our Director's computer and stuff so I had to be here.  Go me the little worker bee too.  And Yay for being a worker bee for sure.  Grateful beyond all belief that I can since I know people who unfortunately are unable to say the same right now. 

Tonite is the last jammer mcjammie at the Meadowlark the way it has been, it is still happening on-going on Tuesdays but with a different host, not Dave K so I am planning to go down there after later tonite so bid adieu.  I am looking forward to a chill evening of improvisational jam.  I do love watching F play.  Have to boldly go there and put it out there in the world.  It is so true.

I am very much looking forward to G-love moving back to D-Town soon.  I am seriously planning a big soiree' of Welcome Back at Casa Bonita.   The last time we went we seriously had so much fun, now with some of the peeps I know now ... so much funner and insane, because... we didn't drink the last time but will this time for sure.  And go on a Friday night when it is batshit birthday party central.  That is all I am sayin.

Stayed clear of the crack today (facebook for those of you in the know) and am super proud. I am only allowing myself like 1 hour which is enough to accept my requests and the like and catch up on the status updates of my peeps.  I have to do better with my time for sure.

I want cake for the record but don't have any.  Fail.

Its about being bahumbugtastic.... move along already...

I wrapped presents tonite and forced myself to get into the spirit of the holidays a little bit. Soooo not feeling it this year. Sorry about that for those who I am giving gifts to, but one, they probably will be considered semi-craptastic and two, you will be lucky if I put them in some sort of decorative container. Seriously. Last year I got all Martha Stewart on everyone's asses, handmade bows, fancy expensive imported ribbon from England, paper individually picked for the likes and dislikes of the giftee. This year? Not so much if at all.There was one year when I made fudge for every single person on my livejournal friends list, made a personalized card and packaged nicely and everything. Not this year.  I made fudge but only three batches (I have the fixin's for a fourth but it probably ain't happening) and will give some to the neighbors, some people at work, maybe F and his colleges and that will take care of it. 

I haven't even sent out holiday cards. I bought them a month ago when I was feeling it, but guh... it has been torture to even consider.

Maybe it is the shitty economy news that barrages us at every turn.

Perhaps it is getting a notice from my credit card company that just got a 400 million dollar bail out, oh sorry let me correct myself... $306 million, that in order to become solvent they have to raise the interest rate to nearly 30% a month (seriously suck it Citibank... that is why I will NEVER carry a balance with you - or any credit card company actually for that matter, 30%? That is gross).

Perhaps its just I feel like the pressure to produce is too much.

Shit I dunno. All I know... I am just looking forward to a couple of days off from work in the next couple of weeks.

I did make a couple of really good financial decisions today.  Nothing that will drastically change anything outside of where I save my money too, but certainly I am not contributing to a loss leader mutual fund for my IRA anymore. When you only make less than 600 bucks for a full year, those returns are shitty and time to make a little changeroonie.  I can certainly feel good that I made at least one good decision today. And yes I know that plenty of people lost big money but still, I have to only be concerned right now with me and my financial future and what is best for Little Miss Zoeshine ok. 

Marinated in some mishegas until S pulled me out and gave me the better of the kool-aids to drink.  I am not 100% but certainly I am far less pissie than I was at say 11 this morning when I had to force myself to smile and be jovial through a really nice office lunch.  My office girls really are the best.  I loves me my j.o.b. and my j.o.b. peeps. 

Came home, got a call from MS who also gave me some sage ass wisdom (as he always does).  And what was really the craziest of things... last night I was laying in bed, thinking about him, his hot sister (that is not a joke but totally an inside joke) and almost called him.  But he called me today. So nice to have him in my ear after all this time, its been a month or two I think?  Whatevs, nice to talk with him.  Nice to know he knows just the right times to call me and reach out to me and talk me off ledges of marination.

I haven't taken a single picture in a week.  Not a one.  This might be part of the problem too, I haven't been creative for even an instant all week.  Can't even force myself to do that either.  Largely uninspired by being forced inside because of the cold and dark, which I also do not enjoy all that much.  Its just miserable on my constitution apparently.  Makes me crabby or something.  That is a joke because by January I am usually so full of the suck due to seasonal affective disorder I am literally coming home from work and crawling straight into bed.  I have hidden it from the outside world pretty well for years but not doing such a good job this year, or the last week actually.  I am going to blame this all on the weather.  Time to break out the happy pills.  I have them, I should use them, diligently baby.  At least to get me through the next two months, when they make me numb and I can get off them.

I don't want to be "one of those" prescription babies, but this is kicking my ass.  Time to get aboard the seratonin train baby.  So I am totally manic for a week or so at least it will be during the holidays so I will be big fun.  Which is totally better than I am RIGHT F'N now let me tell ya.

Time to finish office present wrapping.  wee.

So here I am sittingat work in my office/cube and making the best of it. I have been extremely busy workwise which usually happens year end as expected.

I am watching the woot off like something really good and really cheap is going to post because my precious peanut babies I have a zero balance on my credit card (well I nearly always consider that I have a zero balance because I pay that sucker off at least twice a month like my life depends on it, well my credit rating does anyways).  So far nothing has just wow'd me. But I have been busy working as well so I haven't been able to check my little stat bar at the bottom of my firefox window as often as I would like.

I had an interesting conversation with a cow erker this morning. She is largely a very nice woman but not very bright.  So it was interesting to try and hold a conversation with not sounding bitchy because I honestly truely felt like I was talking down to her.  I also realized that I am so incredibly lucky that I love my job.  L.O.V.E. THE McJOB. For sure. And how lucky am I?  I haven't always been so fortunate.  The Island was full of ebbs and flows and the Firm sucked me dry emotionally.  Here the worst thing is feeling like I am talking down to someone. Seriously.... I snapped at the Receptionist this morning, I was on the phone she came over to my desk with piles of paperwork which she was supposed to make copies of and didn't so I asked her to and she got snippey....oh hell no.  I am on the phone on top of all this.  So I got snippy now she is pouting at me.  Grow up.  Do everything you are supposed to before submitting the paperwork to me, I can't do anything for you until I have copies.  You know this. This is not the first time we have done this.  So I got snippy.  I will talk to her supervisor (the lady I feel like I was talking down to earlier) and explain, she needs to do a complete job so that I can f'n do mine.

Also the consultant that made the anti-semetic comment directly to me a few weeks ago was in the morning.  Totally walked into my office/cube and stood there looking at my computer screen, opened my lunchbox (!!!!!) and clearly needs a little lesson in boundries.  Plus he stunk of cough drops.  GET OUT. 

Read a funny blog where the poster put that she was d-whipped so funny and damn straight up brilliant to admit..  I need to remember that because sometimes... you know, I am.

Now that it is 5:01 I can post and punch out and go home. Woot--- Speaking off... I thought the woot-off totally would have finished with this, but its still a goin'... go fig.

Things are good...

So the gift giving season is officially upon me.  Yesterday I was completely freaking out because I totally thought Chanukah was on the 12th this year.   Then when the holiday didn't show up on my Google Calendar I was really whiggin'. But I am a goofball... Oops totally looking at 2009's calendar. So PHEW, I didn't totally under estimate how much time I had to shop, but now I am actually totally on schedule, I am actually far more ahead of the game than I usually am.  I have only one more, no wait, three more stops to make. 

I have a couple more gift cards to get, one stop at the mall and one other stop (look at me being all vague, but I don't really know who reads this and can't give my secret shopping joy away).  So I am totally way ahead of my game. 

Went to dinner last night at the original Pasquini's on Broadway.  It was so delicious and I have to admit the pizzetta was delicious this morning for breakfast even though I wanted it for lunch, breakfast was so much better.  I thank you F for treating me. I haven't been back at that location because it was the first place I went after WH died and I think I always associated it with that really bummer of a memory.  But you (F) made me remember Wilco and then I realized I need to break out those files and listen again because they are really good and I know that.  Then just as I sent him the links for the Colbert Report appearance he was watching it.  Funny. 

Oh and I shopped off list at Target last night and only forgot one thing. My dishwasher is not functioning (meaning the latch won't close, it isnt' worth spending 185 dollars to pay someone to come and fix it when I can get something that uses less water, makes less noise and is more energy efficient if I save for a couple of months and buy a new one).  So a 9 dollar dish rack isn't a bad investment but certainly not something that I absolutely need and I think that is why I didn't remember it, but it is on the list.  Pleanty of people survive with out a dishwasher, I can too for a little while.  F reminds me he survived with one bowl for years.  UM that totally freaks me out, but I can live without a dishwasher. 

I got some great work to do at the office today too.  I feel like I am making myself known for quality and dependability and that is what I want.  After so many years of feeling invisible and scared that I wasn't valued at the other places I worked (The Island and The Firm... for those of you following along all these years), I feel better finally about my job.  I actually very much like going to work and know how completely lucky I am that I am able to say that I am going to work daily.  This is a great company and really a pretty great group of people.  Lucky Lucky Lucky. 

I have turned on the fireplace because it is friskily cold outside.  It is really comforting.  And so is the result I just got from my Magic 8 ball. 

I had a terrific weekend. One that hit all the right notes.

Friday at work I just didn't keep myself busy enough. I tried really hard, but I set myself up for knowing what I will do this upcoming week which will probably be even a little slower since there is the holiday and all the big kahunas are out of the office. I am actually a little excited about the idea of having the time to do what I have to do to get my desk and cubie thing all cleaned out.

When I came home I got all sorta spruced up. I met up with F and his friends D and L (and for a brief moment a flash...D) for a little snackie and beer at Sputnik. I ordered the arepe's but I realized I made a dining faux paux and should have ordered the mac and cheese. Oops. Didn't see it on the menu, didn't look down far enough. So corn cakes with spicy meat it was.

From there we went over to the Pepsi Center for Coldplay. Now here is the deal. My boss (who left the company in August bought the tickets but since he left I inherited them. I was a little excited about the idea of going to the big rock show. Seriously it was entertaining. The neon confetti leaf things (oops the article says they were butterflies, which when they came out of the machines were magical) were honestly my favoritest moments. My least favorite moment... the super sticky floor, seriously that was nasty. F and I walked out of the venue amused and entertained which was the total point. There were alot of people who probably got much much more out of the show. One thing that I also enjoyed was the band walking out into the audience and playing in the "bleachers". It was charming (which is a word I used more than once this weekend).

We were going to go to a party but because it was about 11:30 decided to just come home. I stopped at the liquor store for some beers (at the total last minute) at the place over on Evans and Colorado Blvd. The guy yelled at me "hurry up we are closing" as I walked in the door. OK OK gosh. But I knew the six pack of Heineken was all I needed. Stood in line behind a couple of kids buying Vox Lemonade and Sprite. It sounded like a nasty ass mix but they invited me over to their dorm. Hi, and no, I have my man waiting for me at home, can't.

Came home had some beers and F showed me some nuances of my new camera which was rad. Showed him the "through the lens" action with my arrow. It was fun to share something funky with him technique-wise.

Saturday we went for burgers to Five Guys. It was packed and busy and delicious. I really liked how I made my burger and the fact that they pack the bag with French Fries. Phew on ordering only one order. We had a great lunch. It is also really good to know it is delicious because it is so close to my office.

Saturday night there was alot going on. Met F up at the Meadowlark for the Jason Cain CD Release (he is the singer of Astrophagus, who are terrific, but didn't get to see him unfortunately). Saw Elin Palmer and The Beebs and had to jam over to the 3 Kings for the Velvet Cash show (which I promised to shoot some pictures at, they really should update that shot... lord knows I have taken more recent ones than the one they have up there... bygones). Then cruised back to the Larimer Lounge for Dead Confederate which was surprisingly good. I got to shoot a little bit and it was so great. I got a little geeked out and I really appreciate F not making too much fun of me. Chatted with some people after the show and Brian asked me if I was F's other half... uh.... ummmmmm..... huhhhhh.... yeah? It was awkward. But I kinda liked saying it.

Came back home and lounged around in bed all morning. It was terrific.

And today I ran over to the mall to pick up Calexico tickets for tomorrow night. Its is actually ok to pay for a show now and again. I would have waited until tomorrow night but I was worried it would sell out and didn't want to walk up and see the "sorry sucka" sign. Walked through the mall which was really busy actually. I walked through a couple of stores and was largely disappointed by the stuff stocked. I am at a huge loss for some of the holiday gifties I need to work on. Yikes. I just don't want it sneaking up on me and getting stuck with something really bad.

I am hoping that this week I can get over the end of this cold and stop coughing, its really f'n annoying.

Ok... off to get stuff ready for the work week and to finish up on a little tv now that it is 10:00. Hope your weekend ruled as much as mine did.

There was a comment made today by a consultant that said something anti-semetic to me today on the phone. He said the (he) wasn't being "prejudiced"... but you are fine sir, you are.  Just because you went to Kinkos to save some money doesn't make you "cheap like a Jewish person", it makes you practical assmunch.  I didn't say anything about his comment and because I was on the phone I just kept my mouth shut.  I certainly have lost an incredible amount of respect for someone that my company has engaged to provide us with some training.  I should have said something.  I think tomorrow I am going to call him back, give him the respect I didn't get and tell him I thought it was completely offensive, unprofessional and has effected my opinion of him.

In other much more happy and funny news I just pulled a batch of cupcakes out of the oven.  Holy yummy they smell amazing and are gorgeous.  I just made a second batch because seriously the recipe was THAT easy and the results are good.  This is the recipe that I used. The cupcake is really light.  Now to pick the frosting!

blah blah blah

So I am all sorta crazed about somethings already this morning. 

See first of all I totally over slept. 

Over slept by 10 minutes which is a lifetime in my morning process getting up, getting the coffee made (and brewed and into a cup before I...), get Herschel walked, get my hair semi-straightened (which means get the iron hot), get lotion on, get dressed, get lunch packed, get breakfast done (if I do that, which is definately NOT today), get bag packed with tons of crap I hardly need to carry around with me on a daily basis but do anyways because I am a horder and find comfort in walking around with 500 pens, a stapler, two notebooks, candy, an extra headband, 5 jumpdrives...well you get the idea and then get out the door to get into the office my 8:15.  Yeah didn't happen this morning.  I got here a minute after I needed to, which annoys me no end.  I know its awfully silly and it isn't like I get "dinged" or "in trouble" its just annoying that I made myself nuts already today. 

I have a couple of really cool cow-erkers that I share music with and one of them today brought me in a cd for the Soundtrack for Into the Wild.  I do work with really nice folks.  And because I am sitting at my desk with headphones on (and to think back when I temped at the mining company the agency that sent me thought that it was awful that I did that, I will never forget it, I will also never forget the fact that when my temp job was over I was really relieved because I just was freaked out environmentally by what they did, I miss that chick I shared a cubie wall with, she called everyone "hon" and was like 30 too, she was fun as all heck) I am always looking for new things to listen to. So anytime I get a chance to spy what F has on his IPod I do because seriously that is a magical peice of knowledge.  I keep forgetting to give him mine to load.  I should probably just go and get a 120 gb one and have him go crazy since my current Ipod is a 20GB (which is crazy that a couple years ago that was this highest storage they had and now its antiquated).  Not that I need to spend $249 bucks right now (I mean seriously that is a camera lens or something, phew just talked myself out of that, I don't need it really.  What am I thinking?).

I am trying to make a decision about some work responsibility stuff.  I really don't know if I want to take on this project I have been potentially been roped into.  See I don't know realistically if it is something that I should be doing but our office supervisor who I think this work should fall under is worthless. Yeah there I said it.  I don't know what she does other than manage ST's calendar and then not even so much of that and chat online with other co-werkes via IM and take 2 hour lunches.  So I have to meet with our Director and speak with her about it because seriously, I don't want the responsibility. And it is causing me a lot of consternation because I don't want to be the gal that ever says "no" to new job responsibilities but this one scares the bejebus out of me because seriously I am not the right person at all unless of course I get a scale upgrade in my pay to compensate me for the responsibility and yes I am going to bring that to the table.  I haven't said no to anything previous to this but I am whiggin about the fact that this is beyond my sending out a monthly reminder email. 

I am jamming though on other work that I need to get done so that is good that I am a little nuts because I am really making sure things get done. 

I do think that its time to go and run some errands... hope your day is a happy one dear reader... I know who you are.  Smoochies to you.





  

So while I am on hold waiting to find out what the **bleep** is going on with Comcast (this is the second outage in my area in as many days, yeah the weather is lovely, what is the excuse?) I am about to have a major beef.  I thought I would wrap up my last couple of days. 

As Valentine already knows I went to the Mercury Cafe last night to watch F play.  I kinda bookended the evening with the Tarot Card reader dude.  He looked like a Wizard.  He was hanging out a little bit and then went into the other room. There was a Lindy Hop going on upstairs and as much as I wanted to in the moment go up there and watch the dancers I stayed downstairs.  This is what I saw... I actually saw someone bow a set of vibes.  F play sax.  Had to stop watching the band because they were so good I almost cried.  Seriously, then F and B and the guy sitting in on the piano started to jam and I couldn't look away.  When they stopped riffing (ok I am a dork) but they were playing parts of Someone To Watch Over Me (maybe that is what it sounded like) B said she had to sit down, she was emotional.  OH HONEY you have no idea.  I had to leave.  I couldn't stay and watch anymore it was seriously knocking me off.  Then Merlin the Tarot Card reader got up and started to sing.

Loaded 300 jump drives with materials for a program on Monday today at my desk.  I was a machine.  And I am glad that I am done with the chore because Friday when I go back into the office I won't have to feel any pressure to do it.  All I have is the standard day before type stuff to do.  It will be awesome.

And now the cable is totally out. Ah Comcast.  Seriously.  You kinda are not on my favorite things list right now.  So frustrating. 

I am just going to call it a night with Steevoh and read a book or something, like they did in the old fashioned days of yore.  Yore was kinda boring and since I am fasting I can't even do days of yore with a cocktail. 

I can't tell you how dead on I was about the amount of stress I am going to be under for the next week in regards to work. I leave for our program tomorrow. All I want is mellow and it is going to be high strung awfullness of unpreparedness. I have no presentations. NOT ONE. From a single presenter not one. I have one who says to cancel all the a/v because no one will use it but our Director most certainly DOES have a presentation. Its carap. He refuses to do his own presentations and has called in a department that is KNOWN for overthinking and over producing every single document and I have to just laugh because he is stressed out about how many edits they are doing on 10 slides and I have to stand there and say "I told you so". Because I did. But I will not suffer because of it. I just can't. If we show up with nothing (which potentially is going to happen, thank gawd for jumpdrives) and look like idiots it is NOT for a lack of my trying. I did. I gave it a great effort and for that I can be proud. I put out two fires today one ironically involving my first manager that hired me (he is back but not as my boss, but somethings never die, they put him back in his old office, well I did because I didn't want to have to find a cube for the dude and no one told us he was coming). I remained pretty calm throughout the whole day until at 6 I got asked to plan three programs for 100 people each with two weeks open and one that I won't even be in town for. Seriously? Oh than he wants to discuss it at this program.... are you kidding me? I am not sure you understand what it takes for me to work at these events... jerk. I was pissed and nearly lost it. And I really don't care much at this point to be honest. It is what it is has been my mantra since my boss quit and it will remain for the week. It is what it is. F will be with me and along for the fun activities and dinners and things and that is all I could ask for.

Tonite I am going to go out, baby needs a PBR and repack when I get home and leave for the program and just deal. Coast and chill and do my absolute best to not be high strung and out of control bat shit crazy. I am not going into the office in the morning, just to drop Herschel off at my Mom and Dads and then to the airport. So I deserve a cocktail and adult libation and some F hosted festivities at the RockBar.

Much better day today. Phew. I knew if I let stuff get to me I would have lost my nut yet again and probably not gotten it back so didn't let anything get to me. Sure I was super duper busy, absolutely I was burdened with some stuff, but... and here is the big but.... what....ev....er. If they want to change the theme of the whole program I am down with that I don't care. I have tomorrow to be in the office and Friday I am out on my way to lovely San Diego with the boyf, we are getting a rental car, relaxing by the pool... need to pack the bathing suit (phew glad I remembered, its all 1940s pin up style...niiiiice, basically it covers my ginourmous ass), going on a Trader Joes run and seriously I can be out of work mode until Saturday morning when our program begins.

I won't even have a presentation until Saturday most likely so can't stress at least I know so I won't freak. I am now officially rolling with the punches baby.

Tonite I am going to a club opening, to bar review with F and tommorrow night he is hosting something at RockBar and damn straight I will be there.

Oh and my new favoritest person in the world used the word Criminey in an Instant Message today. She totally rules. I decided that I am sending her a plant for a thankyou for all her hard work she has done for us, she gardens and I think it would be a nice gift.

Ok I have to get dressed for this fancy opening thing which might not be fancy but I want to make sure I am not under dressed, that would just be really bad form being that I am a guest and all.

goodbye most stressfull day in my job ever...

So I am thrilled to say that it is 8:00 pm and I am home. Have been for a little bit.  Not much but its over workwise today for me.  Gladly I can say its over.  The day simply put was NOT FUN. But the rough patches are over.  I am not going to worry about anything else in regards to this project I am working on.  I mean really it is far from worth it anymore. 

So that being said, after today, sending out an email on the fly that potentially (and innocently enough) went out to over 800 people that it probably shouldn't (but that is what you get for putting the pressure on and not letting us proof an email list but pushing pushing pushing), putting together a list for our executives (without the proper assistance from the sales people that should have supplied me the information), making sure that a small group of people get their airfare (three days before the departure...so very expensive), finding an error in our program and getting the printer to let us redo (and not worrying about the cost, I can't have that on my shoulders, I just can't), giving a bunch of people a lecture about proper and improper behaviour (don't date where you work) and basically being stressy and shutting down the entire day... its over.  I am done. Tomorrow, another day. Tomorrow, if I worry about the presentations I will drive myself crazy, let those bring it with them on jump drives and we will deal over the weekend.

I am ready to plan my working vacation with my boyf.  Thank you very much.  I am just exhausted by the pressure put on me today and over it. Completely over it.  Tomorrow I will drink from the jug of kool-aid and hopefully leave the office before 7. 

I had too many balls in the air today and I cried at my desk.  I will never ever do that again.  Ever.  It isn't worth it. 

So tonite, I am watching a little tv, drinking a TaB and putting this whole thing behind me. 

serial...

Ok this is serial.... (guess which episode of South Park I watched last night... i am completely serial)...It is 5:10 in the evening, the Friday before Labor Day and I am still at work. Still diligent on my job.  Loving my job...LOVEing IT... let me tell ya.  Not.  Well sorta. 

I just calculated what I am making OT wise and cha ching mothas, I am happy with the dough so I am not complaining at all.  It will justify my love at Viva Burrito on the way home.  Since I can't get to Umbertos for tacos when I am in San Diego, this is the closest that I can get I suppose.

Oh and because I am the only person left here in dodge waiting for some final edits I can crank up my Nick Cave and croon along. Sweet.    I can clean too and be patient waiting for these final edits. 

Ok awesomeness has arrived, its now 5:45 I am finishing up with my designer and then I can get outta here, I knew I would leave before 6:00, I was hoping about 6 hours ago, but whatevs.  I am just happy to go home. Soon.

I can say it outloud I guess.  I am back to the drawing board workwise, no wait... this sounds bad... I still have MY job... my boss though quit on Monday.  Well resigned, quit, turned in his notice, left us hanging, made a stupid move, whatever.  Basically this is exactly what happened two years ago right before our big event remember?  I am happy for my boss, but holy crap timing COULD NOT BE WORSE. That being said... I will be allowed to make some of the decisions that I have to without having to defer to him for anything.  I will be able to design the program meals and events in a way that is far less cheestastic than it would have been.  I am though completely pissed that we are going so over the top and I am stuck holding the bag for the choices that he made and is not going to be around to defend.

I was insecure as hell all week about a basket full of stuff and now I can completely understand why and what I can blame <i> that </i> on.  I stopped taking the Wellbutrin for the smoking cessation.  It was important to not rely on it and it did do it's magical job and got me over the hump of cravings and misery so I am thankful, but I don't like the idea of being on mood drugs.  So getting off and having the stuff dump off my blood level was hard man.  As maniac and wide awake as I was going ON the stuff... completely the opposite coming OFF.  Sluggish and moody and paranoid.  I think I have two more days of not feeling like me again and I am gladly back to me again.  I can not wait.

And this is really sad news.  When I worked down on Wynkoop I had to walk by Rockmount almost daily (either to go to the architect, the blueprinter, Chipotle) since Wazee was a block up.  Once I went in just to see what was up and to stall having to go back to the office right away.  There Jack was working, this was maybe 6 or 7 years ago.  He asked me what I was looking for and I said that I didn't know I just wandered in.  He was really nice and almost had me convinced that I needed a western shirt.  Almost.  I walked out of there smiling though with a note that he put into my pocket and told me "not to read until later... much later", which I read a couple days later in fact.  It said to smile everyday and be glad to be able to.  You know... he was right and I try to follow that mantra.  Thank you Ms. Calhoun for a nice eulogy... it sure is fitting.

So today ran the gamut... from going "yessss" almost aloud to going "oh shit" totally out loud. So things are good and things are going to be tough but good I think. Good not necessarily for me, but certainly for those involved for sure. I am happy about all the potential good that may come of this but really things will be busy and complicated for me, but again this will only prove my mettle and what I can withstand. I was talking with a co-worker about some things and certainly got an earful about some serious office gossip too. OY. People are kinda stupid and making bad choices. (edited to add: this is about the boss man quitting and the office romance that now everyone knows about)

Today is my Grandma Dorothy's yortzite and certainly this is not an easy day for me. But I am really thinking about her alot. Thinking how in alot of ways she would be very happy for me, proud of me and certainly if she was here still would just an inspiration for us. I have to remember that instead of being sad, I have to remember what she would say or do to encourage me through all my daily trials and tribulations.

I am trying to figure out what to do for dinner. I could either go and pick up pizza or even go and pick up a chipotle' but not sure. I was thinking about seeing if F wanted to meet before his jam tonite but I know he has lots going on tonite before. I might just go and get pho on my own. There is a place near my house that my bro tells me is good and tonite might be the night to walk in sit down and just break out the gastronomy.

I am working too on my clean up too. I think really it needs to be pizza tonite so I don't put this off anymore. I think tonite will be my laundry room clean up. Ho nelly wish me luck.

this is a long one, but I have little else to do today...

So today I have largely been sitting here in my cubie listening to songs about the F Train and Worlds of Suck. Neither of which I can actually relate to but when Mike Doughty sings them they are quirkie and fun.  I don't care that he might not stray too far outside his comfort zone songwriting wise, but this music does make me pretty happy actually.  I loved Soul Coughing and was really bummed that I didn't get to see them on their last tour, but they were supposed to play with Morphine at the Paramount and when Mark Sandman died the tour collapsed understandibly.  And now that I think about it I don't think he has ever actually played in Denver, just Boulder. And now I would shlep up there, but not then apparantly.

I had a little freak out moment last night.  Like a big but good freak out.  Don't worry everything is totally fine Valentine, just me whiggin'.  I am going to have to say it put it out in the world.  I had a little moment of clarity and realized I have to.  I was halfway thinking that I wouldn't have to but I think its going to be on my shoulders to handle burden of putting it in the world. And I guess I am ok with it.

Just came back from a very frustrating 10 minutes in MicroCenter.  The dude they sicked on me to sell me a computer was worthless. Now I know, sometimes I can be difficult... nooooo really I know this... but I would have been the easiest customer all day, I went in there knowing what computer I wanted. The model number everything.  I just wanted to hold it and see if I was going to end up with a 20 pound sucker or it is less than what I have now.

Had it not been for the freakin' alarm system that is on the computers when you freakin' pick them up I honestly think I would have been out of there having paid for a computer.  But I lifted it up to see how heavy it was. It set this guy off and he thought I was trying to steal the demo I think.  He treated me dismissively like an idiot to boot.  My gawd its a laptop, you want to know how heavy it is right?  Well then there are no batteries in the thing either so of course it feels really light... so I inquired about whether they have the batteries to put in there so I can get a gauge of the weight and he said "no" we don't do that because batteries "don't weigh anything".  What? Really?  Huh...

So then the alarm goes off and the helper dude gets all up in my craw and says "ma'am you really need to be careful these are very delicate machines and are very sensitive to movement". Ok the alarm might be sensitive but certainly the notebooks/machines are not. Shut up.  I just put it back down. It is the alarm putz that is sensitive.

So I am looking at the schematics of the hard drive on the computer.  He asked what I was doing, and I said I just wanted to make sure the hard drive was 250GB because that is pretty substantial for the price I am looking at with the price tag.

The hard drive was partitioned which I can't say effects me one way or another, but I asked if the hard drive comes partitioned and he said "I don't know", so I said, "can you find someone that might know, I just don't want any surprises, even though I know it doesn't really matter that much, just the way it is set up on the demo they split it out to 111GB each and that is a loss of almost 30 GB which is substantial".  Then he says "no it isn't".  WHAT? I hate you and have to leave now. So lame.

Sweet baby jebus that is ridiculous I am thinking.

So I stood there with a blank look on my face thinking this guy can't be for real, he MUST be fucking with me.  So I smiled at him gave him a little jokie elbow rub and said "seriously now".  Then he said, and I kid you not, "are you going to want it or not".  Wowza.  I turned and walked out.  I want to cry for this 50ish nebbishie guy who has no sales skills whatsoever, because he was soooo clueless.  Maybe I will go back tomorrow, I don't know.  It just blew my little computer buying mind because I would have walked out with a computer just like a snap of the fingers, but he lost the sale by being a jerk.  And treating me like a dumb woman who doesn't know anything. 

Listen here peanut... you lost the sale.  Big time.  I would have even thought about buying other peripherals which would have budded your sales but nope peanut... I hate you.  I kind of want to go in tomorrow all pretty woman like.  I am half tempted to go back in now. 

But in really good news, I am taking F to dinner since he totally is hooking me up with the magic that is Dave Attell at Comedy Works tonite.  Super Pysched for the whole shibang.  Going to leave early so I can all gussied up like.

I am avoiding filing....again....

Reading the reviews from the Low show last night, which would have been more interesting than the show I did go to.  Now don't get me wrong.  I really had an interesting time at the show I did go to, we had the superstar sweet seats but still it wasn't a full evening show for us.  The show which I went to was Ween (*but not the show reviewed in the link because that was the night before... but you will get the gist from someone that really does know the music which I don't*). The show was not bad mind you, it just unfortunately for me (and my escort too) was very boring. It was so stinkin' loud my ears were ringing even though I was wearing noise reducing ear plugs.  I went into the bathroom just so I could get a minute or two of less noise with the ear plugs out.  It was something.  Two beers and we were done.  (There will be some pictures in flickr tomorrow probably).  The crowd was really into it and I did walk away with this new song in my head, which is not a bad thing, but it was mostly because I was trying to hear the lyrics when they were singing and I totally thought I heard cream puffs and bourbon, which I did.  Which I thought was incredibly funny for some reason.  But that is about all I got out of the  show. 

They may have played Push the Little Daisies, which we played the shit out of the video for later in the evening but we didn't stay. 

So to my point... I forgot to post how much when we went to see Wilco how much I really enjoyed the opening band.  So reading the Low review I immediately remembered to look up Alan Sparhawk then found the band name:  Retributution Gospel Choir.

So there it is... saw Ween, missed Low, but had a really delicious dinner and remembered the Retribution Gospel Choir. 

And now for reals I am totally going to do my filing.  I have to. I am going to be a good girl and get it done. Get it off my desk so it isn't taunting me anymore like it has been for the month.  I figure if I have time to post a blog entry I totally have time to put on the headphones and just get this done.  It is torture and I keep putting it off.  Like right now. Ok seriously now kiddies... I am logging this and putting on my filing shoes.

I have 8 minutes before I can leave the office today....

I have two things to say... I seriously have to file tomorrow otherwise I am going to go completely batshit by the pile stacked up on my desk.  Second all the drama going on in our department I could loose my ever living mind.  I swear if something doesn't happen soon I might have to sit at my desk and put my head down and just ignore the phone. BUT that being said, I am almost caught up on everything save the stupid f'n filing. 

Tonite I am going to see Ween.  I kinda would like to take a pass but F got to the good seats and I will enjoy I am sure.  I just am really high strung because of this work mishegas that I would love to sit in a nice big tub (obviously not at my house that is for sure) and listen to a little bach and take a chill pill.  But sadly I will have to save that for another time because just ain't gunna happen.

I haven't slowed down for a moment today, but it is good.  Keeps my mind off little smokies.  But I got dizzy this afternoon and felt like I was going to pass out.  That was scarey.  Really scarey.  Didn't like that at all.  Glad I wasn't standing up and filing.  Hee.

Sweet baby jebus I have another hour here at my desk.  I am not at all looking forward to this at all.  I have to be up at an near un-gawdly hour of 5:30 tomorrow to be at a work thing and seriously, kinda wish I wasn't part of the commitment for it.  Sad isn't it.  I know that I am on serious short timers disease here since I am done for the week at 4:00 tomorrow.  Seriously.  Taking three days off.  Everyone is whigging that I actually am doing it.  If it weren't for F I wouldn't be.  I would fly down to Phoenix for the show and probably come back and work on Friday, but a girl needs to chill from what I anticipate to be a full day and a half. 

Showed up at F's house yesterday morning but gave him his Trader Joes stuff and left.  I don't know what was up but he wasn't having any of my silliness and lack of sleep wackadoodleness at all.  Fool.

Ok so the run down, posted without pictures I just can't be bothered now and most of them are of people so I don't really do that here as you know.  If you are part of the cool people club you can see them on my flickr.

Called Valentine on the way to the airport, I hope dress 1000 was awesome, she didn't make fun of my being naucaus and wanting to vomit.  I don't know what that was all about.  But I pulled the car onto Pena Blvd and strangely was fine.  I get really nervous about forgetting stuff and not knowing where I need to be and stuff before I travel.  But then once I am off I70 I get very zen and just roll with stuff and stop freaking out. 

Ok so get off the plane in Vegas and am hit with the heat.  It felt great after sitting on the plane with the cold air blowing on me I was happy to feel it.  Found Flipper in the passenger pick up, after talking to him and Sooz on the phone about having to take a train then not having to take the train I was a little confused, but no train and it was good.

We go to their hotel so they can check in and it is lovely.  They have a full kitchen in their room (I believe they were built as condos and converted into a hotel) with nice black marble countertops.  Nice quality cabinetry too, good hinges.  Full size fridge, ice maker in the room.  Sweet.  I would have probably stayed there had I gotten a room for the weekend but that is a whole 'nother story.

We then mosied over to Trader Joes.  Yay.  The only drag was that they only had one bag of Honey Seasame Almonds out and I couldn't find anyone in a hawaiian shirt that wasn't already helping a customer but since I promised F a bag and I do have some at home I could only buy one bag.... see F.... you do rate in my book.  Anyways, got Vanilla Marshmallows, some pasta, some macademia nuts covered in chocolate, peanut butter filled pretzels covered in chocolate (for F), Cookies With a Perk (holy crap... screw the Cats Cookies, these are my favorite now), Cashew Macademia nut, pinapple gorp trail mix, and something else that I can't remember now for the life of me... dangit.  It was really tempting to go and get some tamales and pack them in foil or something but I just knew that I would have them confiscated so better to not spend the money.  Took my bag and went to Sooz's house to see it for the first time ever and pack my carry on bag.

Seriously the house was adorable.  So lovely they have done a nice job and I loved their bathroom in the master bedroom!  Delicious and bright and cheery.  Sooz let me freshen up a little bit which was so sweet, I was feeling a little worn out from the traveling and the heat.  She was so funny because we had this discussion about bobbie pins that just rocked my world. 

Went and met up with the rest of the group at the Tuscany Suites in house restaurant called Tuscany Gardens or something like that.  All I know is it was AWFUL.  AWFUL. AWFUL.  I was going to try and see a movie at the Cine'Vegas Film Festival and was talked out of it being promised a really good meal. I am a fool.  This was the worst meal I have ever had.  The Bro doesn't like Maggianos well this is a far step below that.  NOW please understand that I "get" that there is a salmonella scare and concern with fresh tomatoes in our country right now. But the last that I heard there were many work arounds for those wanting fresh tomatoes.  So when you go to a red sauce italian joint that bills itself as a four star place you expect something quality.  This was canned stewed tomatoes over cappelini and was awful?  One person at the table got red sauce with clams and one of her clams were muddy which destroyed the dish, didn't they check before they put them on the plate? I ordered a caprese salad which turned into a garden salad but wasn't updated price wise to the benefit of the house salad on my check.  The service was abhorrent and shameful.  We all would have tipped the hell out of the guy since two of our group were each liquid as hell after being up $1,000.00 had he been a better waiter and the food better.

I tried to call the joint today, they don't open until 5:00 but there is no staff in the place until 5:00 I was told.  Really? Not a single kitchen manager watching prep? Nope the desk gal tells me who transfers me to another kitchen's manager, they seriously don't come in until 5:00, when the first seating is.  Which explains ALOT about our terrible food and service.  Canned tomatoes doesn't take much to prep, so no wonder they don't come in early to prep.

Went from the dinner to The Rio where we bowled for three hours at Lucky Strike.  Now, fun as it was, that is alot of bowling and a long time to be competitive for me.  One guy on our team was serious about his bowling.  I was just pysched when I hit one pin.  I got one strike and two spares on my own out of three games so that was pretty damn good.  Broke 50 on each game which was impressive. The balls were drilled horribly if that is any consolation but I went out there and tried and had fun.  Got annoyed that the beer on our open bar was coors lite so ended up buying my own cocktails.  The first was ok then the bartender realized that I do tip well and hooked me up.  Went out of the bowling alley and played penny slots (yes they still have them) with S while he smoked and talked to me about some stuff going on with his family and things (we used to be BESTest friends but our lives just fell apart from one another, but every time I do spend time with him, its like we talk every day still) and won $115.00.  Yay.

I call F because well I am a little drunk, I know that he is still probably working since it was about 11:30 here in Denver and leave some crazy message on his voicemail.  I know one thing... I am sure I was completely inappropriate since Hollywood was standing right there egging me and my drunk, high on my casino winnings self on. 

Bowl a little bit more and then the party is pretty much done with at Lucky Strike so we head out back to the hotel that Mr. S and Hollywood are staying at.  We are waiting for the limo to get moving and F calls me back we are on the phone and I swear the minute I get into the car shinnanegans start.  There are pictures, NO ONE will ever see them.  Thank gawd they are on my camera and Soozs because I know she will have the discretion to not pass them about nor will I of her so... I don't remember much of the phone call except I think I said something inappropriate but he was a good sport and hopefully realized we were all totally out of our minds.  We get back to the hotel and go and hang out in the casino. 

Mr. S and L go and play blackjack and we hit the penny slots again.  I win another $104.00.  I just paid for my airfare.  Sweet.  But I know that while it is one a.m. I have another 6 hours to go before I can actually relax because that is when my flight leaves.  So what to do what to do... we hang out a little more, but because I am not drinking and the bar tender doesn't want to look for a coffee mug for me I literally am sitting there doing nothing.  Flipper wants to go back to their hotel so we wait nearly 40 minutes for a valet to show up to bring their car around. They just couldn't be bothered.  It was bullshit.  Bad food, bad valet, nice penny slots and cashiers though.

Anyways, I go back to the hotel to get my bag of Trader Joes goodness and get a cab to the airport.  It took four minutes.  Didn't think about that.  If I could have checked my bag at the front desk at the Hard Rock I probably would have gone over there and walk the casino there and walk down the street to the Double Down but didn't even think about that until JUST NOW like an idiot.  So hung out in the McCarren airport for four hours or so. It was seriously the most gawdawfull thing I have ever done.  Lots of little kids with parents though at the time in the morning which was freakin' my shit out.  Who wakes their kid up at 3 a.m. to go to the airport?  Miserable.  I was not happy being there I can't even imagine how "fun" and screamie those kids will have been on the plane rides home where ever they were going.

Couldn't write because I couldn't get comfortable enough to even do that.  Rested my eyes a little bit but even with my noise canceling headphones the noise of that place is nuts with all the recordings shilling for the shows and stuff.  It was amazing.  I got on the plane and had a couple sitting next to me doing their bible study.  Seriously no headphones did enough for that. Unfortunately.  I couldn't sleep on the plane either.

Took F his goodies and went to pick up Herschel and went home. Didn't get much sleep but did get a little nap in.

And now at nearly 10:30 I am relaxed enough to get to bed to get up early for an off site tomorrow.  Awesome.

Things I shouldn't be allowed to do.... Part One

Ok there are two things that I shouldn't be allowed to do knowingly.  One is drink alot of coffee in the middle of a meeting when I can't do anything BUT work the presentation slide advancer and video projector.  Two get on a conference call with planners and talk about Trader Joes.

Oh and a third send out crazy emails.

That is all.