I didn't want it to end. I was reading the book on my kindle app on the iPad yesterday morning when I realized that I had only two chapters left. I quickly shut the iPad off like it was going to keep advancing and I wasn't going to be able to turn it off if I didn't. I just didn't want the book to end.
I have also been listening to the book on audio at the same time. I really really wanted to be immersed in it. Full on... Deep.
So last night in a fit of insomnia.... I went upstairs to the library and finished the book. I read the physical paper book's last two chapters. Then I came back downstairs, crawled into bed and posted a quick down and to me meh review on Amazon about it. While I was clicking away on the keyboard I woke F up. I felt terrible. I wanted to then talk about the book... Talk about Patti Smith. Talk about her travels, her bee socks, her coffee, her saki, her love of authorship, her love of trinkets and he was not interested. I wanted to go over details of the book but at 3 a.m. , he simply wasn't having any of it.
So I laid there in bed ruminating in my thoughts about the book. It was magical. I know I am not saying ANYTHING new here. Nothing whatsoever.... Patti Smith is a magical unicorn of the word. She is my spirit person/animal today. I want to think like her. I want to immerse myself in the dedicated life to the word like she did and has. She is such a gift on this universe.
BUT here is the thing that makes me really so so very sad. In the early 80s when I was so innocent and learning about punk rock and the fury of it all... I went the English punk rock route... I missed out so very much on the NY punk scene until about 84 when I think so much of what I could have experienced, simply I missed out on. My only real knowledge of Patti Smith was the character of Candy Slice that Glida Radner played on Saturday Night Live was looooooooosly based on Ms. Smith. Seriously. I just didn't know.
And how sad am I thinking now about what could have been in those years. How differently molded I would have been?
We got the copy of the Horses at Electric Ladyland record in last week. I listened to it like four times... The fourth time I just hugged the records and said thank you to them for NOW being in my world. I can open them up, put them on the player whenever I want and have the music and words fill my house at any time. I would have played the heck out of Horses back in the day. I would have worn that record out. I would have wanted to become Patti Smith in a way.
I wrote ... I mean I still do... But my whole being would have probably been a little different. So now it's on me to recapture some of that ... And live that way now. Live every moment in appreciation. She remembers her cups of coffee because she appreciates the being of it. She remembers to hold onto little stones from one place in effigy to another... Because she appreciates the author she is memorializing.... She remembers because she loves this world with all it's sadness and wonder and joy and for that we are lucky.
PS if anyone can tell me what brand the Bee Socks are... I want to get some for F.... And my friend Liser... I think they would love them... They appreciate a good cotton lisle sock... Just can't find the brand....
PPS I will journal more, I will note little things more, I will kiss my house and tell it I love it more (I totally do that by the way... I have hugged many a wall in my house... Because it is an amazing place), I will tell my friends and F and family I love them more. I will NOT make apologies for picking up do dads and trinkets and putting them in little boxes (but I will write about them more), I will look up more and ruminate on what I see .... And I will love every cup of coffee that I have more than I do now.
Thanks Patti Smith for being my lighthouse in this world... I am glad that I have found you.