Sunday, February 09, 2014

Advice I wish I had recieved and knowledge I wish someone had dropped

So what happens after you have a wedding?  You have written all the thank yous... what really happens next that you don't read about?  

In my experience I can tell you ... Lots. Lots actually. 

You have to go through your pictures... you look at them like your lives depend on it... and in my case, seriously be very disappointed.  I mean VERY disappointed.  Upon very close inspection, not a single photo that our photographer took was in focus.  I mean really odd right?  Also after giving him our shot list I realized he didn't actually provide us with a single photo really that we requested... not a one.  No family pictures, no table pictures, no family pictures... it was weird.  It's been 6 months since our wedding so I feel like I can clearly say with all honesty that our photographer was truly crappy.  We had moments... moments he could have captured... nope, I think he was outside smoking most of the time.  But my brother and dad trusty photographers and Glassholes that they are caught the moments we paid our professional to capture.  

I can be amused with it now honestly because it's kind of a family tradition for either the photographer or filmographer to just not quite "get it" and screw something up.  So it's funny in a way. And it was nice for our wedding to keep that tradition.  I am amused now. It's taken months to get to this place. 

But I advise you all post brides brides to be... don't forrage through pinterest looking at other people's wedding pictures.... it will make you sad.  It will.... I just looked at this paperstore that is local and their  blog and they have posted wedding pictures of the brides and grooms that they have worked with.  

Immaculate.  In Focus. The couples look resplendent and happy and like models.  We look weird, out of focus, with our mouths open midsentance... I mean it's odd.  And we paid for them.  Then after telling him we weren't happy he offered to give us a print of our favorite photo... dude... seriously... not a single one of them.... I would though so very much like to know who took the photos you have on your site because that photographers stuff was amazing!  

Everyone will want to see your pictures.  No matter how good or bad they are... share them.  I didn't and I think I missed out on people being excited for us because we were sad about the quality.  Instead of printing up every single one of your photos for an album... my suggestion and advise would be to print 50.  Including the one funny out of focus shot from your paid professional photos, your low res photos from your friends posts on facebook... whatever find those 50 photos and upload those magical moments to shutterfly or whatever photo book site you may have a groupon to and put together something you will enjoy looking through.  The joy of the photobook is you can build a phrase or a memory into the page.  You will want to put it out on a bookshelf.  We are putting ours together in the next couple of weeks probably.  But don't let the pictures languish on a cd or hard drive somewhere.  There are plenty of crafty ideas too on what to do with you pictures as well.  We may print a tripich up of three of our favorite shots, convert them to black and white and put them in frames.  But the pictures, good or bad really should be seen.  

Next thing I would say... expect a friend or two to drop of the face of the earth.  Something happened at your wedding that you don't know about and they are pissed.  I can't tell you what happened in my case but seriously... I have seen it happen a couple of times.... I don't know what happened with our one friend in our situation... but true to form, we have had this weird wedding anomaly happen. 

Do not take it personally.  There is a something you have no control over. Let it go.  I fully expect in our case, said friend will open up and tell us what happened.  All I know is someone said something to him and he left with his gift and hasn't talked to us about it since.

We sent a thankyou for coming to the wedding card... but we can't do much more.

You have to deal with your dress. What do you do with it? Do you box it up? Do you hang it in a archival bag in your closet?  Do you wear it around the house to vacume in?  What do you do?  So I got married in a fabulous dress.  I love it.  I originally was going to have the dress made cocktail length so I could and would possibly wear it again to a formal occasion... if that were to happen.  We decided to go floor length at the first fitting.  Knowing that I could later shorten it.  

Yeah... so this is where you have to start making some choices.  Pick a dry cleaner.  A good respectable dry cleaner.  Look on Yelp, Look on BBB, Look and look and look.  You really have to be careful with all that lace, beading, bobbles, pearls, shells, decorative stuff.  I don't have any of the bobbles and ephemera and I still haven't found a cleaner that i trust to not completely jack this dress up.  I want it cleaned before I go to my husbands trusted tailor to alter the dress.  See the thing is.... my dress is a one of a kind color.... I can't have it faded or messed up.  I am freaked out.  Be prepared to be nervous walking this memory into a store and handing it over to a complete stranger.  I am doing that next weekend and I am nervous as hell.  

I might chicken out one more time and not take it.  We'll see.  

If you are going to archive it and store it in a box... be prepared in advance where you are going to keep the box. They are HUGE.  And there is lots of tissue involved.  Since I don't have a white dress or a giant princess dress (no train) I think it's safe to say I will hang my dress in the closet.

But I know two people that have archive boxes and seriously the boxes are huge.  

You have saved your bouquet flowers (ok in my case I actually made my bouquet the Friday before the wedding because I was nervous and needed to do a project but I used silk flowers and got the flowers that i wanted but would have made my actual bouquet about $400 because nothing was in season - but saved two roses from our centerpeices). You have these crunchie weird faded flowers... now what do you do? 

Put them in the trash.  Seriously let them go. It doesn't make any sense to have dried out dead flowers in your newlywed home.  Don't do it.  Instead and this is my suggestion and something that I going to arrange for us for our 6 month anniversary.... call your florist... ask them to recreate your bouquet or your centerpeice or make a nosegay with a few of your wedding flowers.... you will have fresh flowers and a reminder that is bright and colorful and not dry and wilted.  I actually called my florist and asked her if I bring in the glass vase that we used if every 6 months or so she could recreate our centerpiece.... she was thrilled.  

You have all the cards and letters and documents from friends and family.  What do you do with them? If you are a scrap booker, man you are set, you have the materials.... you are good to go.  What if you are like me and haven't used  a glue stick in 20 years?  

Find a talented scrapbooker who will do this for you.  They are out there.  I have so many things that i need archived and am working to find someone that can be creative and do this for us.  It's the only way I will get them out of bags. Hire someone.  Don't wait to long though or it just becomes clutter and will never get done.    Unless you already have all the materials, time and skills to make your own scrapbook... I truly believe that outsourcing is the way to go.  I want to be involved of course, but want to leave the heavy lifting and glue gunning to someone who knows what they are doing.  

With scrapbooking as popular as it is... you definitely know someone that could help you out or direct you to someone. If you scrapbook then you are ahead of the game... want to help me out?  I will pay!  

Everything for me completely changed as my husband and I didn't live together full time before we got married. We did about 30% on 70% off due to our condo's being so small and on opposite sides of town from one another.  But the day after our wedding we went to 100%.   So I am learning to adjust to space, time and privacy issues. For us both. It's a huge adjustment.  Expect awkwardness.  Expect uncomfortable silences.  It's inevitable.  We are comfortable around one another completely but sometimes.... it's just weird.  Happens. Roll with it.  We have our on the market and then we will have a house, with space and nook and crannies in which to have awkward silences alone.  But util that moment... it's sometimes weird.  Being married changes the dynamic of the relationship.  It just does.  Be prepared for that weirdness.  Don't freak out about it... welcome it and just know ... you aren't the only one thinking.... wow this is so weird... I never noticed this didn't.... you are married.

There is LOTS of paperwork involved after you get married if you change you name legally.   Once I sell my property then I will change my name legally so of this I completely need to talk to you about.... it's exciting and fun and might not be worth it for someone else.  For me it is, but it's going to happen later versus sooner. 

 But you have to have to have to update your IRS forms right away.  That is a haveto.  I didn't and will be penalized for it probably.... 

Note that everything as a bride probably has your old name on it, bank accounts, checkbooks, credit card, investment fund, work investment fund. driver's license... on and on and on.... because internet privacy isnt' what it sometimes is all cracked up to be, be carefull with the online sites that say they will take care of everything for you.... seriously... be careful... that is your ssn you are handing out to a website stranger.... be patient and just plug through everything on your own or with a trusted attorney or financial advisor.  I am starting a list of everything I will need to change and update and I am up to 50 items.  I don't think I am done.  But it's worth it... should you want to.

One thing that caught me unawares... yeah... the size of the thank you note.  I am not talking the emotion and sentimentality or any of that... I will leave that up to 100 other bridey websites.... here is where I was thrown for a loop.  Yeah so Target (bless them and their issues of late... I still love 'em) sells 200 different types of thank you notes. From the sublime and bridey to child like to plain... to ornate and glitter filled.... yeah... a note writer's heave right? Sorta.  This is where I got in major trouble.  Well not major but you will see why in a minute.  Half the cards didn't get there because the single forever love stamp that I put on it... yeah not enough postage for the small envelope.  Yep.  Anything smaller than a postcard sized envelope?  Yep that now takes the equivalent of a postcard stamp and a forever stamp... so as of 2-4-14 (when I got this little nugget from the most funny Post Office employee ever) that would be 68 cents.  Now I know you want to say ... but wait it's small.... it weighs less than a letter... I know I know... but if you want your thank you notes to get there with one single love stamp... make sure the envelope is about the size of a postcard.  How do I know this?  Because my motherinlaw (another piece of advise, be nice to the motherinlaw) didn't pick up her mail marked postage due with a pick up notice for the item and it came back to me... nearly 5 months later.  This is NOT an indictment on the post office ( I love love love the post office).... it's my not knowing this one fact... size matters with thank you notes.

So these are just a couple of little things that I wish someone would have told me after.... 

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