Thursday, January 10, 2013

10 things about me in this very moment

1) despite the incredible amount of clutter I have around me at most times - I really do like living simply.  So in an effort to live in that world I am actually making a huge concerted effort to clean out this stuff and sorry for the cliche' but live the life I have so deserving to be.  In the last couple of days I have actually made regular runs to Goodwill and the dumpster.  I am really only upcycling to Goodwill items that I would give to a friend to be honest.  Cute glassware sets, lamps (yes four as of today, from my one bedroom house... scarey). I have good quality stuff so actually most of what I am taking over is not garbage.  When I looked in the bins outside the Goodwill today I saw a Monopoly Denver Edition... I thought... Wow that is pretty neat... then I came home, went to my closet to hang up my sweater (another thing I am trying to be better about... the kitchen chairs are not coat racks) and wouldn't you know it... I have a Denver Monopoly in fucking plastic.  Never opened.  Guess what is going in the Goodwill run tomorrow. They are going to wonder what is up with the Denver Monopoly crush for sure. Alot of this is precipitated by the fact I inherited some amazing furniture from my grandfather (and really my grandfather before him and my grandmother) when he passed away. So I am made room for my Grandfather's antique secretary desk, filled it with my books that were scattered on dressers and moved all my writing stuff and magazine clippings and recipes in.  Just like Grandpa M did.  It's really amazing and I am so happy I was lucky enough to inherit it.  

2) I am making plans for my future  I think I have been waiting for F to make the move, do the proposal thing and all that, but honestly, I don't think it's going to happen because of his issues... so I am not bemoaning that it hasn't happened and probably won't, so I am moving on with my shit.   I think it's time for me to just make my own plans and have him come along for the ride if he wants to.  Last night I decided that in the spring, which eeeeeshhhhh is like four months away, I am going to actually start looking for a house.  We have sorta looked around, he has a similar design aesthetic as I do and certainly I think would be ready to move, but I am totally motivated.  I am tired of neighbors backing into the parking spaces next to my car and being really really close so that it's hard to get into my car in the morning. I am really tired of condo living... I might not be opposed to townhome or patio home living... the association thing isn't my issue at all... but seriously... close neighbors... I am done.  I want a garage and a basement.  Oh and a bigger patio.  Totally a bigger patio.  Oh and a bigger kitchen.  With a real pantry not the 3 shelves in a teensie little closet that are in these things.  So that is my plan.  Get new carpet here, tile the bathroom and put this kitten on the market.  

3) I officially miss having a dog  But with the idea of having construction and workers in here soon, I really have concerns about a puppy in the mix. But I am ready.  Totally ready.  But I think I really do want to wait for a yard.  Thus my Spring plan.  

4)  I am terrible about spending and saving money  I want to totally live inexpensively but I don't.  Really I don't.  In September to November I backed like 8 kickstarter campaigns... all totally amazing and very cool projects certainly and I am happy to be a backer... don't get me wrong, but seriously... why?  There are two local projects that I have backed since December (one that I am proud to actually possibly back in the day inspired a little bit... ) and the other that I don't actually think will fund at all.... but I have to stop.  I have to not go and look for stuff to back everyday.  Because I did that for a while there.  So that is one promise I am making to myself.  The second promise that I am making to myself is to be more attentive to the concept of a budget.  I know how much my bills are, I pay off my credit card in full twice a month but seriously... I could stand to save a ton more, and I can do it, I just haven't.  Third I need to use all these gift cards that I have laying around (well they are in my purse actually but it's symbolic ok?).  There are people in this world that house, feed and clothe families on what I make a month... I should be better about this. I really need absolutely nothing, looking in my closets etc should prove that ... ok I need space sure but that will come with number 2 up there. I have kind of lived in a world that if one thing is good than a second of the same exact thing or something similar is better.  Thus the incredible amount of clutter I have packed away in my closets and cabinets.  So I am going to try and pare everything down to one of whatever.  One bundt pan, one pie tin, one set of acrylic salad servers... that kind of thing.  

5) I pretty much have stopped drinking  I don't know why or the rationale behind it, I just seriously would rather have a diet soda than a cocktail anymore.  I seriously think the last cocktail I had was in December on the 22nd at the Bluebird and I nursed that one single Ginger Ale and bourbon all night.  I have a cocktail cart full of booze, wine (and I mean really good and expensive wine) and beers and I will either regift the wine at some point, throw out the beer and take the booze to parties with friends where they will drink it.  I feel like I am actually turning into my Mom who gave a bottle of Southern Comfort or something like that to someone we know from their wedding in 1965 that they still had in their house.  This coming from the girl who used to be able to drink her weight in Jagermeister on a school night and function the next day.  I don't think I am bragging when I say that by the way.... those were actually very dark days in my life... it was a crutch... but still... it was done.  Give me a cup of tea or a GREAT cup of coffee and I am way way happier than a shot.  When did this happen?  It's really weird because it's not conscious on any level, just kind of happened.  

6) I started to clear off the dvr of shows I really don't like  Three words Greys Anatomy Syndrome.  If I hate the characters anymore, it's off my dvr.  Ok we power marathoned Breaking Bad over December and those are not characters that I would love, but the story is amazing yo.  I really honestly decided that it's time to put the tv remote down, step away from the internet (and the 277 blogs that I subscribed to that regularly updated, sometimes ALOT everyday, thus the blog purge ... more of that to come by the way) and read a book. F gave me his old Ipad, which really was my birthday present one year but I was not emotionally happy that is what he gave me when I wanted jewelry for my hand... if you read this F... yep... it wasn't the cost like I said... just sayin', and I read books from the library sometimes.  It's not a bad thing, but I do really like the feel of the book in my lap.  So I ordered a bunch of books on Amazon and plan to rock through at least 25 books this year.  That is like two a month, it's doable and with out a ton of tv recorded... better for my brain.  

7) I really want to travel a little bit Since I am no longer totally paranoid about my employment situation I think I could actually take a couple days off at the end and beginning of a week and go on a vacation. Like a real vacation.  I had a friend who went on a tour of China last year that I bought off of living social. He got a great deal, stayed in great hotels, had a great tour guide and couldn't say enough things that were not absolutely fabulous about it might be something I start to look into. I want one really great big international adventure in 2013.  I have a friend who just moved to Dubai of all places and I am seriously thinking it might be in my best interests to consider meeting her somewhere on that side of the world. She is a truly adventurous soul and saved for a big international trip every year... I was always completely jealous of that and her ability to just do it... and now I want that at least once.  I always though F and I might do the London/Paris honeymoon thing but like I said... that may not happen quickly so fuck it... I am going to go somewhere all on my own.  Take a long weekend.  Go.  Leave the city limits.  

8) I have resigned that I have to wear my glasses alot more The other day a coworker came by my desk and apologized to me because he thought I was mad at him for not saying something as he was walking towards me the other day down the hall.  Seriously I knew it was him because I am not completely blind but he thought I was mad because I didn't acknowledge that he smiled at me and I just kept walking.  If I can't see a friendly action like that from 25 feet or so away... I need to wear my glasses.  All the time.  I have COOL glasses. Awesome glasses. Glasses that were cheap Glasses that were very expensive... I need to wear them already.  Plus driving at night it's amazing how much better it is. I am only half kidding.  That reminds me I need to bust out a case and put a back up pair in my glove box tomorrow morning when I go to work... 

9) I don't miss my old job at all I feel honestly like that was a lifetime ago.  Seriously.  2012 just sucked ass for me professionally.  I look back on the time from February on and I can't believe that I put up with what I did, I can't believe that no one could tell how miserable I was, I can't imagine that I thought it would get better.  I guess it proves that I am a complete optimist but jeez... lord almighty... I don't miss it at all.  Not at all.  I can tell myself that the perks were really good... free promotional items?  Meh.  I really don't need one more tote bag.  I can tell myself that the professional relationships that I had were awesome, but now that I don't work there none of these people have any interest actually.... I wasn't able to take vacations, I wasn't able to check my email from home, I wasn't treated with any respect... and I loved that job.  I know better.  So it got me to where I am now, which is wonderful and for that I am eternally beyond grateful, but I thought honestly I would miss it so much ... and I don't. At all.  It's incredibly freeing.  

10) I truly believe with all my heart that I have the best family, friends and loves ever My parents are amazing, kind, funny, understanding, patient, loving people. If I could be 1/10th the amazing woman that my Mom is I would be really happy.  I have watched her over the last 8 years really truly shine.  Her mission in life was fullfilled.  She may not know it but really truly she has made the world, my world better by being the amazing person that she is.  My Dad is so funny and dear I can't get over it.  He is far more sensitive than he shows or lets on. I wish sometimes he would open up a little bit more but maybe that isn't in the cards.  It's the way he was raised to be in his head and not open and that is a shame because he really is so fucking cool.  My friends all honestly came through in amazing ways when my Grandfather died.  When my Grandmothers died I had a different group of friends at the time and not one of them reached out at all.  And I walked away. These ladies and gentleman that I am lucky enough to have in my world now... just are ... how do I say this.... divine.  Being that Ben was 102 this wasn't a surprise that he passed but my friends each in their own way reached out, offered condolences, offered consolation, help and a shoulder.  I met them all after I had spent nearly every evening for four years with Ben and they didn't know me at that time. All they knew was that we were close, he was my buddy and my dinner pal for a while.  To have them, reach out as they did was magic.  F is a superstar. He is a rockstar, a writer, funny, creative, he is Fez.  And very dear.  He may not put a ring on my finger anytime soon (I stopped holding my breath... but a girl can dream) but I still know he is my guy.  All these people...My loves... oh my loves.... all of them...I could't be more lucky.  

Now... to get to cleaning... 

PS none of this was resolution related mind you.... BUT I decided just now that I was going to make one.. and only one.  So here it is:  I am going to pick up that bass guitar sitting over there by the bookshelf... yeah that one, that F bid on at an auction for me and won, yeah I am going to learn one song, play it... play it well even, memorize the song and play it.  The last time I actually picked up the bass was to play God Save the Queen. Herschel was still alive and I don't think he was amused.  I figured if Sid Vicious could play the bass I have no excuses.  Again... I was not good, but I did it.... and seriously I am going to learn another song.... there it is... my one single solitary resolution for 2013.... 

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