Lots to think about. I have some milestones coming up. I think sometimes birthdays do that to people. Not me usually, but this year it is all very different.
13 years ago tomorrow I was sitting at a Starbucks with my Grandma having a frappacino and met F. I never actually thought I would ever be able to say we would know each other now, which thrills me no end. When our relationship ended 12 years ago, I really thought that would be it. In fact I remember distinctly telling him that. There will be no friendship I said. I couldn't do it then. It wasn't something I ever anticipated. Then everything changed on a dime last year. Certainly I thought about him during those years apart, googled him (if you haven't googled or facebooked an ex or admit it... I call you a liar... ), seriously compared boys I dated to him (yeah I am talking about you Shrug...) and hoped we could at some point touch base and catch up, never EVER thought our lives would intersect. I didn't anticipate walking into the Bluebird and seeing him and having the balls to talk to him, much less give him my business card. I would fall for him all over again and be with him again... which is so magical and wonderful. This man... just is so good. And I am lucky as all get out to have him in my life.
25 years ago I was a silly teenage girl flirting with a guy in the dinner line in Israel. Little could I have ever imagined that next week... all these many years later I would be re-meeting him and his daughter when he comes to my town for a reunion of the school that we were at that summer (I wasn't really invited to the reunion which is fine by me, I mean I don't know these people, so I am good with it...). That being said, he thought he would stay at my house but because I have lots of work I have to do Wednesday he is staying at a hotel, which makes me much much more comfortable. I think F is releaved too. He would NEVER say anything but when I told him they wouldn't stay here he looked almost releaved. I know that I am.
3 years ago my Grandma D went into the hospital for heart surgery. We had the highest hopes and wished the result would be different. The result was not good. I certainly miss her everyday. It was 2 1/2 years ago Grandma P passed away. That was a bitter nut to crunch too. I miss her everyday. There have been times that I hit play on my answering machine to hear a message she left me about a month before she passed away. It is why I keep a land line and that answering machine. I think of them both and wish they were around to see and take part in our families joys right now. Grandpa B is still good, we are lucky to have him and honestly we are truly lucky there, but ... not the same and my Grandmas.
A year ago I bought a really good camera. I have still yet to really use it to all it's potential, but I am learning.... slowly and am more happy with my photography than I have been in the past. I am getting better at the concert photography and am branching out even to urban landscape more and more. I took pictures for a cd album cover for a fringe friend which was a HUGE honor.
I am working very seriously to declutter my house. This is huge for me. I am an avid "collector" meaning "clutterer" and I have piles of things everywhere. I have memories tied to every little tchochke and it's hard to let go, but I am learning to get rid of the controlled chaos. I don't need 100 of something. One will be just enough thankyouverymuch. I am learning this finally. I took 10 large bags of things to goodwill yesterday and tomorrow I will spend my birthday hopefully continuing the trend and cleaning cleaning cleaning out drawers, closets, shelves...I am happily motivated.
I can't remember simple things like, "did I get the mail today" or "how old are those eggs in the fridge" but those are little minor things that I am chalking up to the fact that I am freakishly busy. If the date on the egg carton is way out of wack they can be replaced so its all good.
I am also hoping that in the next little bit I can learn to turn off the tv and break out some books. Oh and actually read them....