Monday, July 14, 2008

Sitting at the airport again. This time it is for work. I am honestly not so happy that I have to go on this overnight sillieness of a trip, but as usual, now that I am at the airport, my flight has been delayed a half hour and my boss whom I am traveling with knows, I can chill out, post about some stuff and generally chill out on the wifi... I do have a book that I could be reading, but it is actually much funner sitting here on the floor next to the power jack hanging out with the mac dude who actually seems to be a nice guy... oh his name? Let me ask.... his name is Joe. Joe from San Diego. and yes I did say... hey you know that rhymes. I am blaming this all on the medication. and I can't seem to travel anywhere for more than a one night hotel stay lately so maybe that is just the way I roll. See here is the deal. I have been a smoker for that last really long time lets say...since I was oh say really a teenager, so a long time... I always said once I reached the age that I am now I refused to be a smoker anymore. So desperate times called for desperate measures because the age number technically changes on Saturday I had to do something quickly. When I went to the doctor last week I asked her to prescribe the wellbutrin because I used S's when she got pregnant and couldn't take it and it worked pretty well for me. I quit for like a year almost. But now... I am emotionally in a better place, save for this anniversary business of D going into the hospital and shit, but really pretty much in a better place than I was five years ago. And the dosage is twice as high. SO, I am whiggin' out. Totally and completely off my rocker. Until this crap gets blood level in my system I swear I am going to be one manic kitty. But it might prevent my annual August episode which isn't a bad thing either but I am literally going through it now I feel like. I warned my boss and I promised to keep my talkie talkie thing under control because this is a work thing I am going for, no matter how casual it is. So my emotions are completely wackadoodle but in a largely happy way so its good. But I did get weepy on the phone last night with Mom. She blamed it on the drugs I blamed it on being sad about D being gone, but really it is because she questioned why I am quitting smoking now, well because I have a week to meet my personal promise to quit before I turn the age I am about to... and seriously... I shouldn't be a smoker anymore. So she had called earlier in the day to talk about Birthday Week 2008 and I was less than enthused. So to do the right thing I called her back to apologize for not being all psyched up for Birthday Week 2008. But she said something that really upset me. She questioned my relationship strength with F. Listen I don't know why he is going to his high school reunion and didn't invite me to go with him. I really don't know, and seriously I don't care, and didn't care up until that moment. Sure I know two people that he graduated with but I don't feel it is any more important than to say "he tell so and so and such and butt yo for me" right? But she questioned the validity of our relationship based on the fact that he is going to his reunion and didn't invite the person that he is in a relationship with. That if we were married, which we aren't I would be expected to go. Would I really? Really I don't think I would be expected to go. Then she said "I question the strength of your relationship if he doesn't take you or didn't ask you". Yes, this is what she said. It really pissed me off. I am putting this out there because... see Bro.... told you so.... told you she would say or do something that would make me sad and this is exactly why I am not sharie with this. I am happy where things are and where they might be going, why put any thing like that even in my head Mom, why suggest anything like that. So I asked him to join us for dinner on Friday night. She better be nice. And not fake nice. I mean really nice. That is if he even agrees to go. And he doesn't read this I don't think so he won't even know, and honestly probably once Valentine and The Bro read this it will go away anyways. So read it quickly I suppose. I actually might have the balls to leave something really personal up but I don't know. Ok I am going to edit some pictures now and email some to this guy I met on Saturday at the Charlie Hunter show... and again... blogger as a bulletin board... yes Bro he was awesome.... and he isn't coming to Phoenix on this tour but maybe next time he said. Talked with him a little bit after the show, he did a version of Hungry like the Wolf which I swear was seriously better than the Duran Duran version. Great our flight just got delayed another half hour. I think. Sweet more time to chill.

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