Thursday, November 22, 2012

Live blogging NBC"s Thanksgiving Day Programming massacre otherwise known at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade....

So good morning... I am awake and thought... hey.... Parade!  I love a parade!  I am turning on the tv.  

It's now 49 minutes into said tv program and sadly I am kinda still waiting to see a damned parade. So far all I have seen is extended advertisements for NBC programming...Matt Lauer completely fuck up the pronouncing of a beloved Gershwin classic.

So to honor my total annoyance with this TERRIBLE show... I am dedicating my next three hours to blogging this piece of crap. 

Yes I am actually rewinding my dvr so that you know I am dedicated to this.  

Opening:  Calling out the Hurricane Sandy survivors, I wonder about the sincerity because of the smirky smile Savanah Gutherie has on. But they introduce the parade... it's the 86th!  That is super impressive!  Here we go!

Live... from New York... the parade of all parades... the v/o guy introduces who and what we will see.... past shots of past parades... exciting marching music... 

CHEERLEADERS!  Ok this is kind of festive.  Smiling ....

Savanah Gutherie hasn't ever been to 34th Street?  Come on.... ok get to the cheerleaders.... oh wait we have to get to Al Roker.  He introduces the Exec Producer Amy Kule from Macy's.  She is reading... but introduces Girl Scouts that scream so loud they drown her out and we can't hear anything... Ribbon Cutting more v/o introductions of who the guests are.  Wait didn't we see something like this just a minute earlier?  OH its all the musical guests.  Karem Abdul Jabar? This is going to be a tall show to live up to!  See what I did there? 

These introductions are taking forever... Lets see a parade.

Matt's in the sky box... Cheerleaders.... here we go.

Black Eyed Peas are freakishly fast.... this music is freakin' me out.   Oh that poor girl in the middle of the lift.  She will never live that shit down.... I love you middle lift girl.... you have the spirit yes you do!  The camera work is pretty bad for this routine... you can't really see anything.... just a mass of 650 girls trying to get their timing right and lip synch to the cheer...

Commercial.....break....after 7 minutes

Justin Beiber wink nod smile funny ad. 
Brave DVD ad
Fisher Price ad...
I get it we are advertising to the kids right off the bat, that is pretty smart, since Mom is in the kitchen cooking.

Folder's Kcup ad 
Windows 8 (I like this mix of the Express Yourself Song)
Howie Mandel game show ad... He is creepy... 5 day event?

2 minutes of commercials

And we are back to the parade!  We see Hello Kitty going down Central Park West.. Hey I have been there.. But the sky shot is annoying because you don't really see the fucking parade.  I will get back to that later.   Matt talks all about the balloons and they cut back to Al Roker to talk about the weather.  SERIOUSLY?  We are watching what the weather looks like... live on tv... I don't need Al telling me it's going to be "spectacular" why don't we talk about the teams of people that are marching by RIGHT THERE...

And a shout out to the Weather Channel.  And now we see Jillian Michaels who advertises the newest version of The Biggist Looser... tossing it back to Matt Lauer.

We are introduced to the Broadway version of Elf.  I am wanting to find the DVD and watch Will Ferrell now... This show will be a great touring show I am guessing... A nice family show coming here in two years. The guy at the end of the table looks like Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.  This is a fun song... People dancing on tables is fun. 

And we are in a commercial break again 16 minutes into the show.

I can't take this.  

I have 2 and a quarter more hours of this?  Why am I doing this... oh yeah because NBC is a bunch of whores.  This is terrible.

I am fast forwarding through the commercials

But there was: a weird shared data plan with a naked muppet, Leap learning pad, a chevy commerical for the malibu, discover cards, philly cream cheese (I want to make a cheesecake HARD now....), an ad for the Biggest Loser (my guess is they are yelling at the participants about lifting harder or something...glad I don't hear it)....

And we are back to the SAME  shot of the Macy's ballons, Al tells me they are at Columbus Circle.  Yeah I dunno... I  can't tell because it's the same sky shot as before and all you see is a mess of trees and buldings... it's a good time Al tells me while telling me about another red hot good time NBC's New Drama Chicago Fire - he talks to some actor on the show for two minutes.  He throws it back to Macy's and they introduce the Broadway show.... It's Nice Work If You Can Get It.

Matt Lauer... seriously I hate you.... HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU NOT KNOW TO INTRODUCE THE SONG BY IT'S RIGHT NAME?  My friend Janelle called him a name that I will take with me forever... it's not "esess Wonderful" it's SWonderful.... the words smusch together you fucktard.  But it's Matthew Broaderick singing so I am going to move on.  Those kids are dancing their tuches off... Ooops missed a clap cue.... I bet hearing them sing the song Matt realizes his mistake... probably not.... 

People behind the production are talking... it's distracting.  This is GERSHWIN people.... show some respect!

And into another commercial... seriously?

Canon commercial ,Pantene, Applebees cocktail food, UPS, XBox, A  show called 1600 soon to be seen on NBC (PS it doesn't look good, I am guessing it will get cancelled about 8 shows in.... mark it... that is my tv show death pool entry... unless Whitney Cummings has anything to do with it and the show will live on forever, no matter how bad it is :: cough cough:: show with two girls working in a diner slinging one liners). 

And we are back it's 27 minutes into the show.  The give a shout out to the musical director, he is 90 something (a guy never tells his age... and  a girl never asks)  they have some nice b&w stills of him with Carson, John Lennon and Tom Jones. Then the cut to a live shot of him... FROM above again... he has to completely turn around to look into the camera but is working and I know the segment producer told him to do it twice because they didn't get the shot the first time... So it's really awkward. Have you learned nothing from the Emmy's they shoot the director from in front of where he is sitting for the minute or so and get out of the way... But all these shots from above are awful and terrible perspectives.  Congrats for Milton Delug!  

And now we see a segment from Annie.  Matt misquoted the song Tommorrow as well... seriously Matt Lauer I want to punch him.  Savanah is reading the prompter and making a stinky face... she gets how badly this is written I may be projecting a little here.

They don't sing the "hit" but another song... I am fastwording because I can't watch it twice.  

Ok I give up... you will get a production number, they will talk to someone with a show on NBC and cut to commercials ....

Seriously though the ad for Blake Shelton's Christmas Variety show scares the crap out of me.  

I fast forward through that next segment ... what the Rockettes? This early?  These ladies are unbelievable   That timing is dead on.  

Even their fairwell wave is timed ... booyah...

commercials after every segment is b.s.  and really tiresome....

It's 57 minutes into the show and now they are announcing the parade?  Wait... I have watched a pre show for the last hour?  Seriously?  WTHELL NBC.... 

OK NOW it's on.... Now we have a parade.  Marching bands... The Ballons... Clowns...Finally float...finally.

This was a really long hour to get to this point.  That marching band from South Carolina is killing it... those dancers walked 3 miles in heels then danced really well ... kudos kids... those practices paid off.  I love a marching band. 

Chris Issak singing Great Balls of fire with the Ocean Spray bog guys.... I'll hug you Chris Issak...

Four minutes of parade and we have commercials....seriously they cut off Chris Issak?  I hate you NBC.  And hey how do the bog guys get off that float so quickly to the commercial... I get the programing ... Ocean Spray float then an ad.  Subtle NBC Subtle.  

Welcome back... dancers from Texas .. mid routine... That's a little bit of a shame... They are kickin' it up in the Macy's parade... yee haw girls...!

Turkey float!  Food Network guy....promoting Food Network... huh.

KERMIT!  He has been flying in the parade since 1977.... They have a new single with Cee Lo.  

Here is a song by Carley Rae Jepson... She is lip synching badly... Those kids are cute ice skating on the float... and they are moving the float on... but they don't cut her off... that is b.s.

Marching band!  Great kids!

Charlie Brown balloon... sorry Matt the football is always IN FRONT of Charlie NOT too far behind... Woodstock!  and the rest of the Gang!  And clowns being blocked by corporate ads.  F'you NBC.


So there is Elmo on the Sesame Street float.  That was a surprise.  I love Sesame Street.  Gordon!  Bob!  Holy moley they are still on the show!  What a treat to see!  I can seriously turn off the parade commentary now.  It's not going to be better than that... singing a song about how awesome YOU ARE... and you ARE!  

I am going to go and bake some cookies instead of watching this.  Turning on some serious rock music and rocking out the cookies!

Happy Thanksgiving!


No comments: