I wrapped presents tonite and forced myself to get into the spirit of the holidays a little bit. Soooo not feeling it this year. Sorry about that for those who I am giving gifts to, but one, they probably will be considered semi-craptastic and two, you will be lucky if I put them in some sort of decorative container. Seriously. Last year I got all Martha Stewart on everyone's asses, handmade bows, fancy expensive imported ribbon from England, paper individually picked for the likes and dislikes of the giftee. This year? Not so much if at all.There was one year when I made fudge for every single person on my livejournal friends list, made a personalized card and packaged nicely and everything. Not this year. I made fudge but only three batches (I have the fixin's for a fourth but it probably ain't happening) and will give some to the neighbors, some people at work, maybe F and his colleges and that will take care of it.
I haven't even sent out holiday cards. I bought them a month ago when I was feeling it, but guh... it has been torture to even consider.
Maybe it is the shitty economy news that barrages us at every turn.
Perhaps it is getting a notice from my credit card company that just got a 400 million dollar bail out, oh sorry let me correct myself... $306 million, that in order to become solvent they have to raise the interest rate to nearly 30% a month (seriously suck it Citibank... that is why I will NEVER carry a balance with you - or any credit card company actually for that matter, 30%? That is gross).
Perhaps its just I feel like the pressure to produce is too much.
Shit I dunno. All I know... I am just looking forward to a couple of days off from work in the next couple of weeks.
I did make a couple of really good financial decisions today. Nothing that will drastically change anything outside of where I save my money too, but certainly I am not contributing to a loss leader mutual fund for my IRA anymore. When you only make less than 600 bucks for a full year, those returns are shitty and time to make a little changeroonie. I can certainly feel good that I made at least one good decision today. And yes I know that plenty of people lost big money but still, I have to only be concerned right now with me and my financial future and what is best for Little Miss Zoeshine ok.
Marinated in some mishegas until S pulled me out and gave me the better of the kool-aids to drink. I am not 100% but certainly I am far less pissie than I was at say 11 this morning when I had to force myself to smile and be jovial through a really nice office lunch. My office girls really are the best. I loves me my j.o.b. and my j.o.b. peeps.
Came home, got a call from MS who also gave me some sage ass wisdom (as he always does). And what was really the craziest of things... last night I was laying in bed, thinking about him, his hot sister (that is not a joke but totally an inside joke) and almost called him. But he called me today. So nice to have him in my ear after all this time, its been a month or two I think? Whatevs, nice to talk with him. Nice to know he knows just the right times to call me and reach out to me and talk me off ledges of marination.
I haven't taken a single picture in a week. Not a one. This might be part of the problem too, I haven't been creative for even an instant all week. Can't even force myself to do that either. Largely uninspired by being forced inside because of the cold and dark, which I also do not enjoy all that much. Its just miserable on my constitution apparently. Makes me crabby or something. That is a joke because by January I am usually so full of the suck due to seasonal affective disorder I am literally coming home from work and crawling straight into bed. I have hidden it from the outside world pretty well for years but not doing such a good job this year, or the last week actually. I am going to blame this all on the weather. Time to break out the happy pills. I have them, I should use them, diligently baby. At least to get me through the next two months, when they make me numb and I can get off them.
I don't want to be "one of those" prescription babies, but this is kicking my ass. Time to get aboard the seratonin train baby. So I am totally manic for a week or so at least it will be during the holidays so I will be big fun. Which is totally better than I am RIGHT F'N now let me tell ya.
Time to finish office present wrapping. wee.