santa monica, a little insight into my silly mind

Ok... so yesterday I had this little freak out. Not in a bad way, but in an "I am having an epiphany" kind of freak out. It kept me awake almost all night obsessing and thinking about every thing and going over all sorts of crazy in my head. I tried to be as productive as I could during this insomnia but then when I wanted to I still couldn't get to sleep. I realize now that seriously... SERIOUSLY... I should not be ruminating on some things because it just makes me nuts.

I eventually after tossing and turning, turned on the lights and read a little bit hoping that it would put me in a sleepy mood, but I am almost finished with the book I am working on now and that means I just want to finish it. I started to read and realized that was the wrong tack. So pulled out the written journal and I wrote alot of what I was thinking out.I didn't help because I was analyzing everything I was writing out (which totally is the point in the long run, but not at three a.m. sadly). I turned on my mp3 player, literally cued to the one song that I needed to hear (not Santa Monica though), then on shuffle hit another song that fit the situation... it was like the soundtrack for my thought process couldn't have hit better. I only made it two songs into my little soundtrack because honestly it wasn't helping. Thank you musical gods where every you may be for those two songs.

I finally probably got to sleep around 4 a.m. I am guessing and then this morning when the alarm work me up begrudgingly that damned song is what was on the radio. Seriously. It worked to get me out of bed but this is biting me in the emotional ass and I don't really like it. Then I plug in my jump drive hit random and there Santa Monica is all over again. But thankfully we have moved into Red Lorry Yellow Lorry and Mission UK. So it all isn't about making a situation more weird for me by hearing songs that spark something in me.

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Now that I am home for the evening I am realizing the complete potential for my insane tendencies to start rearing their ugly head. I can't get obsessed about the situation that presented itself to me yesterday and I realize that. I am really proud of myself for recognizing that I can go completely off the deep end and keeping myself under control. Keeping myself calm and away from the stimulants that literally make me into someone that I am not....meshuggenah. So the level headed gal sits on her couch watching 60 minutes and NOT I repeat NOT doing anything else...ok I am channeling some of my energy into cleaning.

Today at work I was so busy so I didn't go to the Antique Mall and buy stuff to try and sell...I don't need the money but it was one of the many ideas that I came up with at 4 a.m. for something I could do with this energy.

I am forcing myself to not do all the things that would put me over the edge right now. Literally forcing myself to question just about everything so I don't go places I shouldn't. I want to make sure that I make good choices because last night I was textbook insane.

So if you are looking for antiques to buy... here are a couple of places on Etsy that I like instead... let them do all the shopping and storing and shipping. I will just watch from the sidelines. Where I really have to make sure I stay. Its much less crazy over here.