I got home in time last night to see Beck on Saturday Night Live. It was a repeat of the show I loved so much before. I love them playing the turkey dinner table so much.

We went to an auf ruf for my cousin's wedding. I am happy for her getting married (again) because really she wanted more than anything to be married again, but honestly I just don't think this is a marriage made of deep undying love. The groom made a little speech but never once mentioned his bride. She just sat there, like an obedient little religious woman that she has become. It made me really sad. But honestly this is what she really really wanted, so I am happy for her. They haven't ever seemed in love, caring, into each other.

I got more affection from P and M arguing over who was going to buy me a beer Friday night than this guy shows his bride. Actually that was kind of fun I have to admit, having them keep offering to buy me a drink, but I ended up buying my own beer, which was really fine by me. But it made me sad for my cousin to think about that. Maybe they really do care about one another, I hope that they really do, but I sure haven't ever actually seen any sign of affection.

This was such a weird thing last night. They have this michetza but then the men and women sit together during snack time and touch, and sit at the head table together but this shleppy drairde curtain in the middle of the chapel seperated the men and the women. There were a bunch of men that kept peaking over it so what is the point? It was foolish.

I did see this guy there that I had such a huge crush on when I was 18. He was a couple years older (like 10 maybe) but didn't matter, I really just thought he was really hawt. Now, he is still handsome but WEIRD. Really weird. The mindset of the semi-uber religious is just odd to me. We were standing in line at the buffet for the little weird milchik snack before the havdalah service (which normally I really love-havdalah that is-, it think the ceremony is really just amazing, it was my favorite part of Shabbat when I was in Israel, but I knew with the way the service would be run last night I wasn't interested in staying) and we were talking and all he could ask me over and over and over (yes three times) if I was married and why not. It was really bothersome. Like I am not successful in my own right because I don't have a husband. I am not married, I haven't met the right man yet, thought I did once but it didn't work out (yeah thanks F) I tell him, nope still not married since you asked two minutes ago... the third time I didn't even answer. It was really odd. I told him to ask around though. Ha ha...like I would EVER get involved with anyone that he knows considering they are probably from that shul.

Another thing that was really distressing was how completely shleppy the building has become. I used to walk into this synagouge and be wowed by its beauty and the pride that held it to this higher standard. Last night I tripped twice over carpet coming up from the flooring. There were holes in the walls. There were paper signs printed up everywhere telling the reader what they CAN'T do. The entire place was in such disrepair it makes me so sad. Its a shonda and really just a major telling sign about the fact that people there don't care about the history of the building.

My cousin B brought me home because I just wanted out of there and so did they. I am soooo appreciative. In the parking lot another cousin D was smoking and this guy came out and said "you can't smoke in the parking lot" but said you can have wine. What was that about? It was a gross power play and I thought, you shmuck. I just do not understand these people.

We all ended up convening back at my house for a little bit. Mom and Dad came over and we hung out. It was really the best part of the night.

Today is my Grandma D's yortzite and I have thought about her all morning. I miss her so much. It makes for a sad day today.