Catching up on five days in one edited down entry

There are alot of things that could be said about the last five days, one of them would have to be that while at a work conference one really does need to take a little bit of time to appreciate the surroundings. I really did not at all. And I am bummed and that is why I say it should be done. I snapped pictures on my way to a dinner the first night. Hardly stopping and smelling the roses. The planters were actually really nice in front of this patio. Basically I took the picture because if I can wing it this year, I might try and do something similar with the urns in front of my front door. Basically they were baskets on top of the stick, so could be done.


I got a very nice little VIP set up. It was really a very nice little treat to be sitting at the couch in my room thinking wow am I kinda hungry but have a couple hours until I eat, I suppose I could get a snack out of the mini bar, but as I am walking over to the minibar I see this sitting on a ledge by the bathroom. It was kinda a gross place to put it considering that is the bathtub, right behind it, but being the freak that I am I actually thought it. Then I realized, everything was covered in plastic wrap. Phew. I would actually eat it. Excellent. I got VIP towels, I don't know what that is all about and dried apricots and cranberries which absolutely rocked my world. This too I wil have to remember for our event in September, because this was a really nice little snackie treat, better than the treats at the hotel we stayed at in Arizona for sure. I had to be stealth about it because I think I am the only one that got this treatment. And as the planner and coordinator honestly I am absolutely ok with it.

Last night I had fabulous Mexican dinner with PoPo. It was so damn delicous. I don't know if its because I haven't had Mexican food in so long or because I had such fabulous company. All I know is it was this huge kick in the ass that I needed. I was super stressed out earlier in the day because I really wanted to be able to go and not feel guilty and when I called Mom and told her she was down, but when I said that I can't go out every night with them anymore the guilt trip happened. She said she wasn't trying to guilt me into anything but it all ended in tears, and I feel guilty but honestly, I have to get on with my life. I can't do what I have been doing for nearly the past two years of my life every night. So I put my foot down sorta. The whole conversation I feel was very passive agressive, but that is typical and I don't feel badly that I made the choice to try and move on. I hate that my building resentment to the situation dominates EVERY conversation that I have lately and to fix it I have to actively step away from the situation on a nightly basis. I was on the phone earlier with PoPo and had my epiphany and I am glad I did. I cried to her, but I am glad because I think for the first time since this whole thing started I can be postive about the situation. I can look at it as something nice to do now and again not this b.s. torture that I have to do every flippen night. It might be four or five nights a week, but that is ok. Just every night was running me down.

Tonite it was such a pleasure to not go. I could watch 60 Minutes live as it aired, the Sopranos and Entourage and still have enough time to go on a second walk with Herschel, talk to some neighbors and not feel rushed, clean at a leisurely pace and make lunches for the week. All in the span of those couple hours. I got more done than I expected and I think its just because it was a positive force forward for me. I think wanting to have this just a couple of nights a week isn't a bad thing and I am pissed that it took getting so emotional and upset and tearie for me to put my foot down and say its enough every night. This should be a mitzvah and a pleasure not misery and something that I resent. So I think I am on my way to that. And that is good.

Really very very good.