Saturday, July 30, 2005

Things have turned. I am incredibly sad, stressed and tired. We are back to a week ago emotionally and all. Its really difficult. I miss the fact that two days ago all seemed to be so well. Set backs happen. We just didn't want it to. It is part of recovery I know that, but this was a blow no one in the family is prepared for whatsoever.

Maybe I will sleep tonite. I very much doubt it. Didn't last night. Worried about Nurse Ratchett to be absolutely honest about it. I saw things that will be reported to the Manager of Nursing. I just have to wait.

Not much else interesting other than the fact Hospitals really aren't that much fun, but I did learn someone's real name today. I have seriously spent the last like 30 years thinking it was something else.

Talked to Foo Foo today. She really is one of my favorite cousins ever! She offered great words of wisdom and deep insight into some of the family things going on. And I respect the hell out of her for saying what she said. That isn't why she is one of my favorite cousins by the way, it really goes alot deeper than that. We have shared alot in our day, from boyfriends to high school war stories to freshman college fun cross campus to family mishegas to great joy. I need to keep in better touch with her that is for sure. I am totally the guilty party on that front. I have to check myself, because I bitch about the people here that can't pick up the phone and say hello or send an email, and I need to outstretch my time and energy to people that mean something deeply to me, otherwise, I am wearing the Hypocrite Hat.

A friend in LA is having her gallery exhibition tonite. The plan was to be there actually. Yes I was planning to buy a ticket, and go to this gallery, walk up say surprise, get a glass of wine and visit some haunts and some emotional graves. There will be other shows, but things really change over two weeks. I really could go for a big sundae bowl of Canter's red jello and whipped cream right about now. That strangely enough seemed to be my comfort food for quite a while there. Plus it was all I could afford. Then we would sneak into the Kibbitz. What a shanda that Vegas version must be I have only heard of its existance, it can't be as good. But actually its closer and I may have a guy I am acquantances with bring me back a pastrami sammich when he comes and visits some other mutual friends. He works right down the street. The red jello I can make at home. Or even get from the cafeteria at the hospital probably even though it won't be the same either way. Or a bowl of chili with rice from Barneys. Those were my poorster hipster dining delicacies when I couldn't afford to eat out eat out. And that crazy ass buffet place in Burbank. I loved that place. And Tommy Burger. And that taco shack on Cuenga. I would definately go and pray that taco shack was still there all this time later. Next time. Dare I say this, but I would even settle for a Pinks chili dog right now. I am glad I am home though. There is really strange comfort it in at this time. But I am ready to face LA again and that is a verrrrry big step for me. I can be a tourist again and that is great emotional news.

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