Sometimes its so very hard to leave the house. Today I have nothing on the agenda. Nothing at all. What slays me is that I really would like to leave the house, go and sit at a coffee house, perhaps even Paris on the Platte or The Market over on Larimer Square. The weather is near Spring-like for an early March afternoon in Denver and I feel like a schmeggee not taking advantage of it. But this is my problem. What if I miss an email? What if I don't get the house clean? What if I miss a posting? What if??? Indeed. Its manic behaviour actually and I didn't think that I was this kind of person, but apparantly ... it is so.
I used to not care at all. I didn't care how the days melted into one another, events merged and worked their way one into the next. Now I am waiting. I am not a very patient person. This last month or so has totally taught me something very much important about myself. In the past 8 years I never took a vacation... like a real vacation... 10 days somewhere with a beach and relaxation. Why? I can't do it. I am not wired for it anymore. I was once.
I can't leave the house today unless I have a complete destination. Sure I have to go and get go go juice for the car, pick up some groceries so I can make this amazing salmon recipie for dinner tonite, but I can't just bring myself to go, put on the headphones, sit and read and sip coffee at Starbucks.
Its not that I don't want to, I mean I really really want to, but I feel like I am completely betraying my situation.
I need to figure out how I am going to get past this.
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